Forgive and Forget…

The greatest ghost of them all…?

On top of throwing away my marriage and the joy of getting to see my sons everyday, I lost the love of my family, the respect of my friends, my home, my dogs and a job. I also lost a child. The end of 2003 was a beaut!

I’ve got most of those back. Some of them I will never get back.

I have always wondered if it was karma’s way of dealing with me making decisions on other people’s behalf and leaving them with the consequences… Have someone make a decision on my behalf that would leave me a little broken for the rest of my life? I’m not going into the details right now – they aren’t important. Not to belittle your interest but the reality is that I’ve already gone into places where I didn’t intend to – Writing behind a million miles and the scars of 7 years can make me brave but I’m not brave enough to take you all the way down that road yet.

A friend recently chatted to me about my blog… She hoped that I would one day forgive myself. I hope that my writing doesn’t make me come across as someone looking for self-forgiveness? To be honest, I have forgiven myself a long time ago. I wouldn’t be able to write about these things in the way I do if I hadn’t. But there are some things that I can never forgive.

Or forget.

ALL MY WORLD

All the world unite in my prayer
For my peace?
For my understanding?
For my heavy-hearted acceptance.

All the silenced hear my words unspoken
For my pain?
For my loss?
For my baby eternally given away.

All the nurturing of my loved ones descend
For my forgiveness?
For my comfort?
For the strength to stand on legs broken.

All the wisdom of my true love transcend
For a reason?
For survival?
For a path through total loss.

All my barriers come down in submission
For prayers.
For words.
For nurture and wisdom.

~ by Norm on July 27, 2010.